


Enemies and Valentines, Zack

by goddamnitaisha



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-05 02:24:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10295405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddamnitaisha/pseuds/goddamnitaisha
Summary: (tragic) (inner monologue) Sephiroth reminiscens about his connection to Zack, as he walks to him. He wants Zack to be his Valentine, but that's impossible.





	

**Warning:**  tragic

Was it too late to send a Valentine's day card? It was the 29th of february, but still Februari. Maybe that's why this month had an extra day, so once in every four years, one could use this extra day to extend a Valentine's greeting after all.

Sephiroth was walking through a sandstorm, and pulled his black cape tighter around his shoulders. With his free hand, he kept the hood down. Normally he would fly, but it was daylight. At day, he attracted less suspicion if he would walk. But why would anyone walk through the desert?

_Asking **him** of all people to be my Valentine. I must be mad._

Usually, Valentine's Day was for people who were in love. Then the windows would be filled with heart-shaped merchandise, and the cakes would be round. A few years ago, that one bright-eyed infantryman had dropped the cake in front of Sephiroth’s feet and ran off. General Sephiroth had always felt bad about that. If only he could have found the blonde boy back to apologise in return, and offer him a slice of his own cake. Zack had bought it for him.

_Zack…_

The Lifestream had robbed Sephiroth of all his inconsequential memories. This meant that he hardly remembered who he was, only that he had green eyes and white hair and black clothes. This body could be anyone’s, this sword was too long. But even though he’d forgotten what he himself had looked like, at this resurrection, he had not forgotten…

“Zack the Puppy,” he whispered to himself, tasting the words on his tongue as if he could feel the long-forgotten kiss again. The only thing he tasted was sand-grains. “Hmph.”

He stepped on.

Zack had always been full of energy, and full of smiles. He’d laugh at the most simple things, and talk in caps lock. After Genesis’ and Angeal’s disappearance, Sephiroth and Zack would stay up late even though they were on different continents. Zack in Wutai on missions to level up, Sephiroth in the east: midgar, to do paperwork.

And memories came tumbling back. It were not his full memories because he was a pro in the art of willful self-deception, but every of them… **hurt.**

_“Sephiroth! Why did you kill the townspeople? Why did you hurt Tifa?” His memory said to him. “You’re not the Sephiorth I once knew! I loved you!”_

Sephiroth couldn’t even remember what he had replied. It was all a blur to him. He did remember that the fight had taken them a few stories lower, and that they had fought above a big glass floor.

Had he been wrong to dismiss Zack’s feelings as they fought? Zack as emotional, drunk on pain. He had looked pained as he had blocked many slashes Sephiroth had rained upon him.

_Zack, did you hate me back then, in the Reactor? Did you want to punch me in the face, stop me? Maybe you loved me. Did your love turn to hate at that very moment?_

Sephiroth had never really put up much of a fight. Yes, he had fought, but as the cameras had registered and undoubtedly Professor Hojo must have theorized, he hadn’t put his heart into it. It was easier to return to Mother’s tank and throw Zack down the stairs.

“You loved me, me?” Sephiroth had asked as he’d seen Zack slip down the stairs, hitting his head at a new step, and a new step, and a new step. Sephiroth stood at the top of the stairs and shook his head, then turned around. He walked back to JENOVA in the tank. Mother was important. She was the accumulation of what he had wanted to see all his life, and now she was here. He would become a god, for her. He would become a saviour of the Red Lifestream and build a new planet. Starting anew with the thousands of shinra-hating souls that all had chosen to become part of the Red Stream was important. Their world would be beautiful.

He didn’t need Zack for that.

Zack was only part of the process, not the end result. If Zack couldn’t help him further his goal, then what use was there to keeping him around? Sephiroth was too ambitious, too proud. 

But was Sephiroth completely unhurt? No.  
Did he feel unshaken? No.  
Could he stop the feelings in his chest from rising up like nausea? No.

Sephiroth stepped on.

Granted, Zack had made a major impact on his life. He’d been the first friend in SOLDIER that he had let so very close. Granted, there was Genesis and Angeal, but those two had dropped _him_. Rather, Sephiroth had proceeded this and dropped Zack. And eventually, Zack had dropped Cloud. It was as if they were passing a disease.

 _Desert-your-comrade-plague,_ tag you’re it.

The first while without Zack, Sephiroth had been fine. Zack was out of the picture, and thus the Silver SOLDIER could focus on a more important topic: ascension.

In the Lifestream, Zack had been in pain, eventually chased Sephiroth down. Sephiroth half apologised, half promised better. He did not keep the promise, and killed Aerith instead.

Second time, Zack came to him, Sephiroth kept him away. It was easier to run than to talk, wasn’t it? He wasn’t a villain, he was a _hero_.

Third time, Zack had taken a long, long while to finally appear. In the Advent Children battle of Sephiroth against Cloud, the ‘puppy’ had asked. “Hey. Do you need some help?”

Sephiroth had seen him. Sephiroth had heard him.

Did Cloud somehow believe that only he could see the apparitions from the Lifestream? Zack was as clearly visible to Sephiroth... as clearly as Cloud could hear him. It felt like a taunt, appearing ever so often just to make Sephiroth remember the words, Zack’s words: I loved you!

Sephiroth’s feet sank into the desert sand, and he strayed from the route to take shelter behind a big rock. It took three minutes, but then the Turks’ helicopter soared overhead. After the initial intimidating roar, it quickly turned into a black dot. Then he moved on.

_It is not far now._

“You scared me,” he said, pronouncing the words as a practise run. Zack had scared him. Sephiroth wasn’t used to letting people get so close. And in return, he had become so very important! Sephiroth didn’t know how to love him back. He was utterly at loss when it came to fluffy interactions - something in which Zack excelled, but somehow Sephiroth always managed to turn those dark and depressing. _Always about me._

_“Where were you, when I was carrying an unconscious Cloud through the continents? Where were you when I needed you? I thought I could count on you. That we were friends!”_

“...”

_“Friends don’t ignore each other, Sephiroth!”_

I heard you, Sephiroth thought. Walking was harder now, and not because of the sandstorm. I heard everything you said but I find it hard to listen.

Either the sand or his feelings filled him with discomfort. _Protect your dreams._ Sephiroth fully intended on becoming a traveller of the cosmos. But did that mean he had to choose between Zack and the sky?

At last, the cliff came in sight. The yellow flowers that marked the grave stood out among the barren land. Corpses made good fertile ground. That’s why they had thrived in Aerith’s church: so many dead and been buried there.

Sephiroth started talking even though he was still far away. He couldn’t keep still, the words tumbled from his mouth. “I am sorry, Zack. It was I who asked you to come to Nibelheim. It was I who talked about deserting Shin-Ra. It was I who raised the sword against you. I killed you, huh.”

Pause. He breathed with every step.

“Maybe life wouldn’t have been so hard for you, if I had been there at Shin-Ra at your side.”

Sephiroth crossed the remaining distance, then bent down on his knees, and started weeding out the stupid yellow flowers. They made him sneeze. After the third sneeze, he threw the fragile stems over the edge of the cliff. He would weed them out, ever last one of those damned flowers.

“I expect it will never happen, but I’d like us to be friends too. Or at least, not enemies. You loved and loved and lost me.”

 _I lost and lost and loved you._ Still do. When I see you are in pain, I want to hurt or hug you. But I don’t, because I am scared. What am I scared of most?

He sighed and pushed the back of his wrist against his eyes. “Of the fact that the best relationship is one in which one’s love for each other exceeds the need for each other.”

He looked at his wrist, but there were no tears. He was not crying. He didn’t know if Zack was even listening! Big chance he wasn’t. And hell, there was even a bigger chance that SOLDIER 1rst Class Fair would never even reply.

“You needed me to be your comrade when you lay on Hojo’s table. I did not show up. You needed me, I wasn’t there. I truly am sorry about that.”

He threw the last of Aerith’s flowers off the cliff. He stood up. He felt that this needed to made clear:

“ **I can love you as long as our love for each other doesn’t exceed our need for each other**. But why am I talking in the present tense? You are dead. You were killed.”

_Who killed the hero? The villain did._

But in Sephiroth’s mind, he was the hero, which would make Zack the villain. Zack had not killed but hurt him too. Thus, thinking in binary oppositions would give no results.

_I hurt you, and then you hurt me back with your words. Both of us felt abandoned, and were hurt in return. Too bad we never moved onwards to a renewed version of our friendship._

Sephiroth looked at the grave.

“Sorry I hurt you, wiggletail. It must’ve sucked to have a God as a comrade.”

Then, on a tone where bitterness poured from his mouth and his face twisted, he said:

“...now ex-comrade.”

_I would have liked for us to still be friends. At least, I wish we did not part as enemies. But does being your enemy exclude me from being your valentine? Because I would like you to be mine._


End file.
